While we will all, as individuals, have our own beliefs, non-judgement in coaching is not the absence of these thoughts, it is the conscious decision to suspend evaluation of the other.
To enable the coach to support the client’s growth it is important that their own views and beliefs do not impinge on the trust necessary for an effective coaching relationship.
Empathy is essential to establish trust and rapport. Where sympathy builds divides between those in difficulty and those outside of the situation, empathy, the ability to share in and understand the emotions of another, leads to a deeper connection. A genuine connection, fuelled by the congruent, authentic behaviours of the coach towards their coachee.
Another effective technique in maintaining trust and remaining non-judgemental is to cultivate a curiosity mindset where the aim is to learn and explore rather than judge the rights or wrongs of a situation.
This curiosity is an important reason why coaches must be aware of the language that they use in questioning the client. Are they subconsciously using loaded language? “What went wrong?” or “that’s unfortunate”, suggest a preferred outcome. Neutral terms like “what happened?” or “that sounds significant” help to create a safe, non-judgemental space free of the influence of the coach’s opinions.
Through awareness of the language that the coach uses they can support the coachee by validating their feelings even when they may not agree with them. For example, the coach may say: “I can see how deeply you care about this” rather than feeling the need to challenge the logic behind the feeling.
As a coach one is not there to judge the actions of another. This relationship is not about our opinions, it exists purely in the service of the coachee. In this respect Roger’s (1961) unconditional positive regard helps us to maintain those boundaries that ensure that our views do not influence the process.
The TV show Ted Lasso (2020) in misquoting Walt Whitman summarised this thus: “Be curious, not judgemental.”
So when you’re trying to support the growth of others through coaching, be less Judy and more Ted.
Human generated words, AI generated image