Early in my transition from male to female I was telling an old friend the story of how I’d originally tried to transition back in 2000 and I was explaining how the world had changed in the past 15 years.
I told her how back then I’d be abused wherever I went including an incident in my doctor’s waiting room where I was abused by another patient for being a sick, perverted deviant. My doctor’s response was that I’d chosen to do this so it was something that I’d have to get used to.
When I explained that things were very different now and that society was much more tolerant she cut me off dead…
“Never, ever say that people are tolerant” she replied, “it implies that there’s something wrong with you that people need to tolerate.”
Mmm I thought, good point, and suitably chastised I tried to reword what I’d said.
“Well, people are more accepting…”
I caught myself, that was scarcely better than tolerating, it still implies a wrongness that people need to put themselves out to find acceptable.
Eventually, after much thinking, I replaced the phrase with “more open to diversity”.
This conveyed the same point but with none of the negative connotations about the legitimacy of my place in society.
It’s so important that we think about the language that we use and endeavour to turn it around so that it reinforces a positive mental outlook.
How much better does it feel to think about the challenges in your life rather than the problems?
It’s just a simple thing but that simple word substitution moves you from problems which have connections to words like insurmountable to challenges which need to met and achieved.
5 ways to introduce positivity into your language
Let’s give this a go and see what difference we can make with these simple ideas.
1. Check everything you write. With the amount of written communication that we do nowadays, emails, messaging, letters (remember them?) as well as social media updates, articles and blog posts, it’s a great place to start reviewing the language that you’re using.
Are you using positive or negative words? Could you tweak your language slightly and, without changing the meaning, totally change the feeling of them.
2. Listen to the language that other people use. Are they consistently negative or positive? Pay particular attention to how their choice of tone affects your feelings about them and what they have to say.
3. Think about the language that you’re using. Are you using negative or positive words and phrases? Review what you’re saying and correct yourself, even mid sentence, if you start using negative terms.
4. Before you speak, think.
Yeah, I know it sounds obvious but how often do you actually pause to consider your words?
If you start taking the time to compose your sentences people will appreciate your words much more than if you bombard them with a constant flow of jumbled thoughts and ideas.
Can you reframe your original thoughts in a positive way?
5. Negative words still have their place. In the same way that we need dark to appreciate light and sadness to appreciate joy we still need the negative words occasionally.
Not everything in life can be turned around with positive words, disasters, rape, murder and injustice can’t be explained away with a bit of happy clappy language.
If you try to live your life in denial of these thoughts and feelings you’ll very quickly go from being a positive person in others eyes to someone that’s a bit odd.
It’s amazing how such little changes in your language can achieve massive changes in your emotional outlook, give it a go and see what happens.
Sophie Cook Talks
My aim is to raise awareness of mental health issues and to help people face the fears and challenges in their lives through my talks.
Thank you to everyone that’s donated to my GoFundMe page to enable me to deliver these talks to as many groups as possible, small or large, throughout the UK and beyond free of charge.
Please help support these effort by visiting my GoFundMe page, every penny helps.
Please help me to raise awareness of these issues, reduce the stigma and help people to share their darkest most destructive feelings with people that love them and would help if only they knew.